How to manage back-to-school anxiety

How can you tell if your child might be experiencing anxiety? Are there any specific signs to look for?

In younger children, particularly of primary school age, anxiety can be shown through avoidant behaviour. They're less likely to be able to articulate what they're feeling because they're still learning how to put words to their feelings. Other signs may be not following instruction as they normally would, becoming tearful when exposed to what makes them anxious or perhaps having trouble sleeping. In older children, you might notice fatigue, nervousness, changes in appetite or them becoming more agitated or frustrated.

You say that these are more general indicators of anxiety. Could there be additional indicators if the anxiety is specifically related to going back to school?

Yes. These (above) behaviours suggest a higher level of general anxiety; however, if your child simply expresses a disinterest in returning to school or only shows these behaviours when the topic of school is brought up, it is a good indication that their discomfort lies with that specifically.

It's also important for parents to bear in mind that going back to school after the holidays is an anxious time for children anyway because it's a change, and anything that causes change is naturally going to make people feel a bit anxious.

Are there any practical steps parents can take to ease this anxiety in children?

Parents or carers can help to normalise the situation by reminding a child that they're not alone, lots of other children are experiencing the feeling too, and it's normal to feel a bit apprehensive ahead of a new school year or perhaps a change of school.

Don't overload them. Instead, choose three or four key things to communicate. It can also be reassuring for the child if you can share some of your own experiences of going back to school – this shows them that you understand what they might be feeling, while also normalising it so that they know that feeling this way can be expected.

What about routines?

Being mindful of your child's routine and even discussing what to expect a few days in advance can help to ease worries as they'll know what's coming. When things are uncertain, routine is a key area where you can provide some predictability. Sometimes visual planners can be useful for younger children if they're finding it hard to remember things. You could create these together with your child.

What about children who are moving from year six to secondary school? Is there any additional advice you can offer?

This is one of the big transitions in a child's school life. They're stepping into a new environment with new timetables, different teachers for different subjects and less people that they know in general. What you could do is go and visit the new school with your child while they're still in year six. This will help familiarise them with the new system and environment.

It's worth remembering that children are more resilient than we may think and adapt to new situations all the time.

Parents' questions answered

'My child tends to get very anxious when I drop them off at school and I'm anticipating this being a problem again. Do you have any advice on how to manage this?'

This is a great question and it's a common problem. It's important to remember that children tend to respond in relation to how their parents and carers respond. So, if the parent is showing signs of being overprotective or perhaps feeling anxious about the situation themselves, the child is likely to pick up on that. In these instances, it can be helpful to be mindful of how you’re feeling and how this may impact your behaviour.

We can easily find ourselves getting caught up in all the reasons why our child might be anxious about going back to school, but often children can be quite excited about returning as well. So, focusing on the exciting aspects like getting to see friends again, seeing their favourite teachers, re-engaging in school activities etc. can help to lighten feelings of discomfort.

'My child says that they don’t want to return to school in September. What can I do?'

When someone feels worried about something it's very common to try to avoid that thing. But actually avoidance is what keeps the problem going, so it's really important for the parent to encourage the child to go to school.

Starting the conversation early can be really helpful with this. Children cope better when you routinely offer information in small pieces, rather than trying to cover everything in one go. Creating that safe space to have routine check-ins with your child and listen to how they're feeling is a much better way to minimise anxieties than waiting until the night before they're set to return to school.

Something I like to recommend to parents is to attach their check-in time to a daily activity, for example, mealtimes. Making it a daily habit takes the pressure off and offers the child a more casual space to open up. Be curious about your child but try to avoid coming across as if you’re interrogating them. By making it a daily habit, you're creating a space to check in with your child and for them to feel heard on a regular basis, which is invaluable for their wellbeing and development and also helps with bonding.

'You spoke about the importance of creating a routine of checking in with your child. How can I gently check in to see if my child is coping well with this transition?'

Coming back to my previous point, establishing a routine of checking in is really the best way of nurturing consistent communication with your child. Children often don't want to burden their parents if they're feeling worried. Sharing examples of times when you were anxious as a child yourself can help open up conversations. It can also be really helpful to show interest by being curious about your child’s experience rather than demanding information from them. Just letting them know that you're there in a gentle way is important, for example by using phrases like:

• When I was at school, I felt similar/thought about similar things
• That’s great you enjoyed (a particular subject) today. What did you enjoy about it?

'How can I tell if my child might need further support? Where can I go to access this kind of support?'

If some of the discussed behaviours persist for an extended period, roughly around three months or more, it might be worth speaking to your GP about getting further support. Keep in mind that anxiety is a very natural human response to things being unpredictable or uncertain. For children in particular, facing new situations is a normal and healthy part of their development – it's how they learn.

If you're concerned about the anxiety that you're observing in your child, take a moment to step back and check in with yourself first before getting too concerned. Often when we're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, the anxiety we perceive around us is heightened. In these instances, leaning on your support network – whether that's family, friends, a partner or a school – can be really beneficial as a first step in understanding and managing our concerns. Subsequently, when we feel more relaxed around a situation, it’s not uncommon to notice our children being more at ease too.

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This article was reviewed on 18 July 2024.

Dr Lili Ly is a Clinical Psychologist at Anna Freud and in the NHS.e. She has worked with children, young people and families for over 15 years and is Co-Head of Children and Young People’s Psychological Training Programmes at Anna Freud and University College London. These programmes train the child mental health workforce across London and the South East and includes training mental health practitioners to provide evidence-based interventions in schools and colleges.

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